The Black Plague of 2007

I sat on my bed for over an hour, staring at the rising sun through my bedroom window. The walls of my bedroom were chalk-white, and painstakingly bare, and at times, I could not look away. I had spent many days and nights staring into the pale abyss that was the cealing above my bed, and it had become no more friendly or sympathetic.
Something about gazing into absolute nothingness in the middle of sweltering summer afternoon made me want to kill my self. Those four walls and cealing knew every dirty detail about me; the sleepless nights, the constant crying, the panic attacks, heartburn, and of course, the insomnia.
Of all the times I had told my self to get out of bed, and live my life like a normal human being, it was never easy. I can remember thinking one day, "Since when did getting out of bed become a life changing decision?"
Fortunatley, this morning I was afforded the rare luxury of giving my depression and anxiety a break as I watch the sun slowy clumb its way into the sky, giving life to every creature its its path. The birds, the squirles on the back porch, the cats behind the shed, and the millions of hopeless souls scurring to find a meaning in their lives.
When I was young, I watched the sun rise over an ocean horizon, and I remember thinking how beautiful the world could be at times. Little did I know, but humanity would obliterate any semblance of beauty to be found on this planet. I spent most of that night sweating, and thinking of ways to stay alive. I had talked my self out of suicide. again.
When I finally convinced my self it was time to get up and drag my self to work, depression set it. Just like every morning, I had managed to rationalize quitting my job, and embarking upon my inevitable path of drinking, fucking, and out and out wreckless abandonment. There were many ways to live, and even more ways to die, and back then, I could not have cared for either.
So, as it went, I gathered my belongings, locked the door behind my self, and as I walked toward my car. My blood began to boil as i felt the first bead of sweat drip down my face.
"I can't do this forever", I said to my self as I got in my car and drove to work.
8/6/07 11:04pm